Written by artist Kim Chin

Situating embodied knowledge:

Like many children of migrants, I have been brought up with lots of love and contradictions – many of which I am still untangling today. What was deemed important by our parents to “succeed” in an idealised British culture came at the cost of distancing us from clearer roots of where we came from. A muteness of Tagalog or Visayan mother-tongue haunts my full belonging to an ancestral Filipino “home” on both sides of the Pacific Ocean. My Dad’s internalised trauma led to an unwillingness to return to where he was born and raised in Jamaica; fourteen years after his passing, I am still discovering relations I was unaware of while he was alive.

In addition to relearning ancestral wisdoms, I was diagnosed with having neurodivergent* thinking systems (ADD) six years ago. This life-changing knowledge helped me recognise stressors that caused ‘unhelpful’ behaviour such as emotional dysregulation, low energy and memory difficulties. It also intuited a pathway to co-build ‘helpful’ environments that encourage problem solving, empathy, and love of learning – igniting motivation and kinship. It attuned a clearer understanding about myself outside of external assumptions and projections..

This multilayered awareness highlighted similarities with my parents – some of which I may have previously felt as a barrier to connection. For example, I manage overthinking with meditation and community art practice, Mum faithfully prays in community with others; we both cook – regardless of religious choices, we share a passion to seek guidance from something bigger than ourselves. Because our neural concepts of time and generosity feel fluid, combined with a gendered expectation (as women) to be many things at once, our boundaries can be porous. Unattended, this has led to burning out. Initiating this deep work is uncomfortable and exhausting, catalysing a profound mourning for all the missed connections, misunderstandings, and misinterpretations that occurred between interpersonal and professional circumstances. With time and practiced awareness, the transformation is empowering.

Due to the priorities of a capitalistic society, work is precarious for socially engaged artists, and resources are stretched. This can provoke unhelpful behaviour as our body defaults to how we were most conditioned to deal with stress. A need to choose a “family” of peers and networks that can ground a more accurate sense of ‘home’ is necessary to sustain action. The aim of exercising reflective and creative workshops addressing certain issue-based themes, is to be curious, feel seen relationally with others, and replenish emotional labour that bleeds out in the struggle to keep going: using small gifts of strength to support one another as a revolutionary act of care.

Situating activity, time and place: 

“Threading Layers of Home” aimed to create a multi-vocal and consensual art-wellness activity, hosted at Yorkton Studios. Each part aimed to build trust within the group, to encourage kinship while stitching fabric compositions that recall a memory, feeling, or response to themes of “home” and “community”. The symbolic piece would mark the day in congregation with others within a non-judgemental and empathetic space.

Given the context of Refugee Week, there were people in attendance who experienced (and still experiencing) displacement, loss, or decentering, as well as members who support marginalised communities – this practice invited extra care and sensitivity. I collaborated with Counterpoints Arts Producer Daniela Nofal to expand the gentleness of radical hospitality – “rooted in the love of friends and strangers”. Daniela opened up the sunny morning with a breathing and visualisation exercise grounding us together in the present – momentarily shedding whatever hustles and burdens we were carrying until that point, and nudging attention to how they were emerging in our bodies. As a neurodivergent being, mindfulness helps modulate concepts of time, minimise distraction, and feel resourced to show up for others. It helps ease any tightness in my chest, or knots in my belly if I’m particularly overwhelmed.

To familiarise ourselves with who was in the room, guests were invited to bring an object or ‘totem’ of sorts to charge stories and creative interpretation. Within our group, individuals could be as impromptu as gathering sidewalk plants that were found en route to the space, or drawn to inter-generational photographs, sourced pieces of fabric, poems and a music mix that sound-tracked associations of “home”. This collection of personal objects were gathered in the middle of the table as an altar-like offering – committing us to the day, and confidentiality of what was revealed between us. People listened steadfastly in the room as they related through overlapping feelings, often asking for repetition if something wasn’t initially heard. Participants felt safe to speak up when noise was distracting during the meditation.

Post break, we formed  smaller group discussions led by different readings from artists, liberators, scientists, and writers, who illuminated relational experiences of “home” and “community”; whether it was embodied, imagined, environmental, co-created, cultural, or structural. Including reading groups was a fresh element in my practice – discussing other people’s words helped me articulate experiences I didn’t have understanding of before. The range of perspectives and levels of engagement within the group was heartwarming.

To increase accessibility, previous knowledge with the activities introduced are not compulsory. When people engage in a creative activity, such as sewing (or gluing!), it helps uncover often buried or subconscious thoughts that weave through conversations. It is this cognitive paring back and re-layering exercise that is emphasised, and then mirrored with fabric. A range of upcycled cloth, yarns, textures, and colour, emphasise tone and spirit of narratives.

After an hour and a half of the making process, we regrouped in a circle in the adjacent room. Our fabric compositions lay scattered across the floor: cottons, silks and corduroys had been rouchéd, pleated, collaged, sculpted into functional and abstract forms of personalised code. Yarns were woven, stitched and plaited into drawings of spirals, pomegranates, gardens, chickens, waves or constructed into a mini purse of memories and hope. Colours were harmonious, striking, muted and regal.

In turn, closing reflections ping-ponged across the circle as the previous speaker picked up a fabric piece they wanted to know more about. The collective quiet hummed with “ohhhs”, “ahhs”, giggles and tears when the moments reverberated in our bodies. It was rewarding to feel the group’s sense of achievement – overcoming fears that their lack of sewing skills would be a barrier to honouring the memories of relatives, friends, and interactions that generously materialised from heart to thread.

Reflections:

Many people in the workshops that I attend, and spaces that I co-hold, share positions of care-giving – whether bettering care is embedded in their lived experience and beliefs, intentionally interconnected to the type of work that they do, and organisations/groups they are affiliated with. Similarly, people with a purpose lead practice are motivated to act against injustice (a shared trait of ADD) and/or want to explore and overcome personal barriers they have endured. Delineating what is inside or outside of our control, with or without others, can invite space for unpredictable memories and emotions – attuned diligence supports well-being. If we are tender with people – allowing room to grow from mistakes, and firm with the parameters that will safeguard common space, together we can embolden care for all. These small practices will spill onto all we touch, building steps towards the change we want to live.

Some learnings:

  • Transparency and Consent: Themes of loss and displacement can evoke a range of  emotions and memories. It is important to be transparent with intent, available resources, and invite individual/shared accountability. This can take the form of accessibility of space, adjusting schedule pacing, ample time for reflection, providing refreshments and materials, etc. Reaffirm that people attending can opt out, or take comfort breaks as needed.
  • We will all encounter disability, loss, and misunderstanding in our lifetimes – whether medical, emotional, hormonal cycles, and through ageing. Re-frame internalised myths and language that was used pre-intersectional awareness (for example gender-race-neurodivergence) – what are you bringing to the room? Take note of inherited survival mechanisms that resurface under stress, while preparing non-judgemental responses and solutions that can support mental health. A quick tool: Recognise – React – Resolve [Women’s Resource Centre].
  • Generosity breeds abundance: Experiment with alternative economies and exchange of resources in-kind, such as donation of materials for advice, book swapping, or studio space that you can let others use, etc. 
  • We cannot do “the work” without working on ourselves. As agents of change, lean into strengths, stretch limitations incrementally, and manage emotional wellbeing to form a sustainable rhythm of working. Surround yourself with people (mentors**, peers, friends) who can compassionately keep you accountable to your values while upholding healthy practices  as neurotypical-positive / anti-discriminatory language and boundaries which protects space for joy.
  • Advocate for your needs:  Establishing an Access Rider agreement outlining reasonable adjustments to your environment and workflow with institutional and interpersonal collaborators can minimise misunderstanding while building trust.  For example, “mixed messaging and actions can make me feel unsafe – please communicate requests and tasks clearly within a time-frame”; or “it will take me 3 times longer to write / edit  my thoughts into concise words – more time and labour is needed to complete these tasks while keeping quality on content”. I plan regular breaks / setting an alarm to break up hyper focus, stay hydrated, and reinforce rest – what can help you?
  • Safety in numbers! Be discerning of the peers and organisations you partner with. Alignment of values helps you be your best self (emotionally and physically) and keeps people safe. 

Footnotes and references:

*Neurodivergent = Neurally wired to think differently from what are considered as societal “norms”. ADD abbreviates Attention Deficit Disorder where a combination of particular behaviours influence individual decision making, and can overlap with others. ADD has adapted from ADHD (inclusive of ‘Hyperactivity’) as this trait is not necessarily visible to all diagnoses.

**Mentors are non-judgemental support systems who have a deeper experience in overcoming similar challenges with positive outcomes. For example, forma counsellors, Access to Work (ATW) support workers, therapists, public or private figures in arts or cultural work, community mobilisers. 

Reading or listening more around the subject matter can better inform the type of support you / an individual may need.

 

Reading and audio list:

Haunted Landscapes of the Anthropocene Arts of Living on a Damaged Planet, ed. Elaine Gan, Anna Tsing, Heather Swanson, Nils Bubandt; The Master’s Tools Will Never Dismantle the Master’s House, Audre Lorde; The Good Immigrant anthology, ‘On Going Home’, Kieran Yates; Organic Music Societies: Volume 6 Blank Forms ed.  Lawrence Kumpf, Bengt Af Klintberg, John Esam, Naima Karlsson, Ake Holmquist, Magnus Nygren; Radical Intimacy, Sophie K Rosa’; Making Kin: Ecofeminist Essays from Singapore, ed. Esther Vincent and Angelia Poon, Scattered Minds: The Origins and Healing of Attention Deficit Disorder, Gabor Maté; Taking Charge of Adult ADHD,  Russell A. Barkley; A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD: Embrace Neurodiversity, Live Boldly, and Break Through Barriers, Sari Solden and Michelle Frank.

 

Images credit: Shona Goolab.